


72 Hour Challenge

by DeadNation666



Category: Borderlands (Video Games)
Genre: Drugs, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-24
Updated: 2020-09-24
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:15:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26637952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeadNation666/pseuds/DeadNation666
Summary: Handsome Jack is ~very~ sorry for his severe and continuous lapse in judgement.
Kudos: 4





	72 Hour Challenge

Scene: Handsome Jack sitting on his Big Chair in a silk bathrobe that is open about to his bellybutton, and loafers.  
Jack: "Good evening, citizens of Helios. Yesterday, the [redacted] regional authority detained me on charges of possession of illicit substances over 50 grams. I would just like to address these allegations--"  
Enter model in Hyperion bikini, who hands Jack a stack of 100 thousand-dollar bills.  
Jack: "I just wanna state that I'm deeply sorry to the people of [redacted]--"  
Jack removes a crisp bill from the stack and begins rolling it up while 4 more models walk in carrying a covered tray on a small litter.  
Jack: "--for my behavior and disregard for your local laws and regulations regarding substances."  
The models leave the tray on the desk.  
Jack: "These are very dangerous, risky behaviors I have elected to engage in, and that's why today, I would like to say from the bottom of my heart, people and law enforcement of [redacted],"  
Jack motions for an attending model to remove the tray lid, revealing a huge mountain of space cocaine.  
Jack, grabbing the camera and pulling it in very close to his face: "YOU CAN ALL BLOW ME!"   
The camera is returned to a slightly askew angle as Jack hoovers up all of the coke.  
Jack: "That's why today, I'm announcing a brand-new Hyperion-sponsored livestream event where all you boring assholes get to watch me do a shitload of coke and then do awesome shit for like 72 hours straight, starting right now. Tune in to see what your prude ass cops think they're too good for! Suck it, [redacted] PD! You heard it here first, you can all suck my fucking balls."  
Scene fades out with Jack ranting about bullshit drug ordinances.

**Author's Note:**

> yet another shitposty drabble wow its almost like i should stop procrastinating or some shit
> 
> If this inspires you to write/draw derivative works, please do(!!!!!!!), and please send them to me. Löv that shit.


End file.
